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lyrics

We sat in my backyard and you looked down your nose at me,
Asked me if I might be the love of your life.
I responded in kind; said I'd love you unconditionally,
Through and through, but sweetie it's not true.

'Cause no, I couldn't love you if you were a serial killer.
I can't accept just anything
I couldn't love you if you were a serial killer.
I'd like to or maybe I wouldn't.

Maybe you would say that
It's just a small thing and it doesn't really reflect who you are.
But I don't think that that's accurate.
I think that being a serial killer is a pretty big deal.

And then maybe you would say that
You were trying to get help and I should help you.
But I think I could be the biggest help by calling the police.
This goes beyond couples counseling.

'Cause no I couldn't love you if you were a serial killer.
I have limits and that's way out past them.
I could understand if you weren't okay with being a vegetarian
But this is a little different from that
Or maybe it's not but I think it is.

Maybe you would say that
This shows off some really great qualities I value.
You're a hard worker
And you know how to get the job done.

But find another way
I don't think you understand that this killing thing takes precedence
I'd rather you were lazy than serial killing a lot of people
Or even just a few people. That's still a problem.

'Cause no I couldn't love you if you were a serial killer
I have limits and that's way out past them.
I couldn't love you if you were a serial killer.
I mean I guess you're probably not but really I couldn't ever handle that.

But really, sweetie, I guess you're probably not a serial killer.
It's hard to say definitely but I don't think that you are.
So I'll say I love you through and through
On just a few conditions.

I don't care if you're Republican
Or you belonged to a frat house or you play way too much World of Warcraft.
Just please don't be a serial killer.
Please don't be thaaaaaaat!

credits

from Your Flaws Aren't Picturesque, released July 17, 2015

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